Practical Thoughts

I've felt for months that my libido was just dead, since I got this hormone stick in my arm. Like there was a wall between me and my desire. I could see it, even touch it sometimes, but it was still separated from me. I have realized now that who I am currently with is a part of that wall. Not the whole of it, but a good bit. With someone else I was my old self again, mostly. As close as I've been in a long time, and it was so fresh. 

There was a time when I didn't care if I got off or not, as long as someone did. Maybe that's sad. I just thought that I couldn't for various reasons, mostly mental, some physical. It's very hard to just let go, when you're this much of a control freak. So when another manages to blow my mind, in a way I didn't think was ever going to be possible for me, I find that I do care more for my needs than I used to. Now I will see where that takes me. 

I won't be content with this frustrated half-celibacy/unfulfilling physical relations for much longer, not knowing what I know now. Fruit of knowledge and all that. I can't ask or make anyone do things they don't want to do or try; I couldn't enjoy that at all. A discussion is coming, just need to decide when. It would interesting if things ended over sexual incompatibility. I just wish it hadn't taken three years and birth control-reduced libido to realize it.